My Heart is Full

I am nearing the end of one of the biggest endeavors of my life - homeschooling my two boys.  It started as a trial and mostly insecurity.  Little fairytales I would tell myself about what it would "look" like.  Little fairytales I would tell those around me hoping for their approval.  It ended up being the best decision I have ever made.  We learned how to navigate new and scary waters.  What began as little art projects and baking has turned into deep independent study and amazing adventures. Nowadays, I am fortunate to see them for longer than few moments, catching up on the day or if I am lucky a family board game, knowing full well they are just playing for me. I soak in every chance I get to spend time with them. Somedays dinner is made and they are both gone, leading the start of their very own independent lives. Life is like this. It gives us opportunity after opportunity to release, to set free, to be flexible and to live our best life possible in the moment we are in.  I know I still have a few years with them home.  Every night I go to bed, I am grateful that they we are still under the same roof.  I will never take this for granted.

This year, I took on another completely amazing endeavor that is coming close to the end as well - teaching a 200 hour Yoga Teacher Training program.  Words will never be able to explain the love I have for this group of strangers who came together.  There truly are no words.  A big part of me doesn't want to let them go next month when they graduate. I want them with me for endless hours of laughter, tears, study, discussion, everything that is yoga.  One of yoga's biggest teachings is non-attachment. So, soon I must put this into practice.  But, for right now,  I admit, I am holding on and am simply going to relish in every moment with each of them.  Every. Single. One.  

I am comforted in so many areas of my life by the quote that says, "Often times what looks like an ending, is actually a beginning."  With my children, it may mean a different kind of being together, like adults having fun, sharing life with new traditions in the making. With the yogis it may mean an even deeper layering of these beautiful relationships.

All of it may mean less time, but I know in my heart that what I do have control over, is my very own deep presence in the moments I do have with everyone in my life. 

Oh, life.  I love you. You make me grow through the pains you provide. Without the pains, my heart would never be this full.